Found on desk…

Found in my desk calendar

These struck a nerve for some reason… 

Stay interested and interesting!

John

Being social

Relationships are very important in our everyday lives, at work and at home. I find that the better you get along with people and the easier you make it for them to work with you, the more willing they are. Everyone becomes more productive and understanding. This applies at home too.

Compared to many of my friends, I do much more socializing online using tools such as Facebook, Friendfeed, Twitter, etc. I find like minded people very easily and am able to spark up conversations about common interests. Being naturally introverted, I often find it difficult to do this in more open situations, at a bar for example. This is a great reason to attend Barcamps or Tweetups. At least you know that people share your interests and starting discussions will be much easier.  At work, I have much more in common with my fellow worker, but the culture in a large, long established company is different from what I gravitate towards, so it takes some work to identify those who share my passions.

So the big question becomes: How to make it better?  Well, there are probably many responses.  I tend to prefer just leaping in and asking a bunch of questions.  You just have to prepare yourself mentally and say that you really have nothing to lose.  If the person does not share your interests, perhaps there is some disappointment, but at least you know up front!   Curiosity pays off personally and professionally.  If you find that you are not comfortable or not feeling fulfilled, then you should start looking at other opportunities then figure out if it is worth the change.  There are many factors involved, so take the time to think about it! 

Another rambling post is out there for better or worse!

Stay interested and interesting!

John

Book

I really need to continue writing that book about our views on work and how it should be more than “just a pay check”. Motivational speakers talk about working with passion and it won’t feel like work. I realize this is not always possible, but we should at least TRY! I am tired of reading Twitter feeds, Facebook statuses and emails about how people hate their job and TGIF. Do something about it! See it differently! Make a change!

More to come. I wouldn’t want to reveal ALL my ideas for a book!

Stay interested and interesting!

John

Values

I have been reading a lot about people’s values and have been tempted to call “bullshit” quite a few times.  Some like to bandy about values that include pride (A capital sin…), family and honesty.

First, pride is a sin for a reason and is often misinterpreted.  If you feel pride in something a friend or child does, what does that say about the rest of their actions?  Does that mean you don’t have that feeling all the time?  It is better to be pleased or happy about something.  I am very pleased when my daughter is polite and says please and thank you.  I am happy when she does well at soccer.  Having pride would be to live vicariously through her actions as if I am 100% responsible for her personality and actions.  I am but the guide, she is the actor.

Second, family is thrown around as an excuse and always talked up.  I agree that family is important if you have a great relationship with them and there is unconditional love.   Otherwise, they can do more harm than good.  We really need to work on the proper definition of family and people have to step up to the responsibility associated with being a family member.  I love my family and am very glad to have them around.  I admit that I am not always the best family member based on my own definition.  I know I can do better, but then I don’t preach to others what they should be doing or how the can be better.

Third, honesty is spoken about by many, but practiced by few.  There is value in diplomacy and tact.  I would love to hear people say what they mean and mean what they say.  I am sometimes disappointed with people who make commitments then back out because their mood has changed.  If you said you would go, GO!  If you said you would take care of something, take care of it!  I understand people forgetting sometimes (I am a pretty bad offender with memory…), but to intentionally cancel without a good reason is just mean and disingenuous.  I also abhor deliberately hiding information and feelings.  All it does is sow the seeds of discontent with each other.

In conclusion, be pleased, not proud, know your family and love them, be open and honest, don’t lie or hid information.  I hope I don’t sound like I am preaching, but simply stating what I think. 

Stay interested and interesting!

John

What I need vs. what I want

I need a car, but I want leather seats. I need a home, but I want a nice house. I need clothes, but I want stylish clothes, including the latest activity appropriate shoes. I need a job, but I want something interesting, fun, where I learn and that pays well.

Many of us like to say that we NEED certain things (I include myself here), but we really don’t need them, but WANT them. There is a very distinct difference between NEED and WANT. In our western society, we live in a consumerist society, not capitalist. In a true capitalist society (Capitalism), the profits from any venture would be plowed right back in to the business in order to further expand or improve the business. That being said, our consumerist society values those who have been successful from the capitalist point of view and has the income to afford expensive houses, cars, toys, etc. This view of success is often challenged by people who say “success is not measured in money, but friends and family”. While I agree this is ideal, it is far from the truth. If YOU had the choice of winning the lottery (Super7 in Canada is $20 million this Friday!) or knowing 10 friends would call you and have a party this weekend, which would you chose? For one, I know that if I win the lottery, I will have LOTS of options for parties and will suddenly have LOTS of people wanting to be my friend. I would certainly be more mindful of who I let in to my inner circle, but in our present society, I would not have to choose. With more money, I have more options. It doesn’t make me a better person, but certainly opens up doors of choice.

Lately, I have been questioning the NEEDS vs. WANTS and have being coming to some enlightening (in my mind anyway) conclusions. I don’t need a lot of furniture. What I have is fine. I do need to paint my walls, the white is getting to me. I don’t need every new gadget, but will still buy more than the average person because I love technology. However, I am not fooling myself. I know that I don’t need some of the stuff I have. I realize it and can be honest to myself that I am trading off against other things, like some extra travel or opportunities to take some extra time off from work. I am fine with this as long as I can still control my options. I am lucky enough to have a choice, but I work damn hard in order to maintain it. I work more than 40 hours a week. I still take at least one university class a semester. I reserve time for my daughter and give her the attention she deserves. I read instead of watching TV. There are choices to make and each one of us is responsible for our own fate. There is luck involved, but you create your own opportunities.

In the end, I NEED very little, but aspire to a lot. This means I WANT a lot.  However, I want to continue to be conscious of the difference and put some thought in to my decisions, no matter how small they may seem at first and as the question “do I NEED this?”. The answer is often no and thinking about it can make all the difference.

Stay interested and interesting!

John

Long haul

It has been a while again. Sorry for that! I have just been busy with my daughter’s activities, school and work. Also, I had a road trip to Chicago and New York! It was great fun.

At work, I have to admit that I am now challenged quite a bit and enjoy my job a lot more. I am overwhelmed at points, but actually get great support.

At home, I really need to start painting my walls. White just doesn’t cut it anymore. Now the debate about colour vs. earth tones comes up. What to do? I’m not a decorator, I’m a geek!

At school, it is all about psychology of work, which is really interesting, but I am having trouble getting motivated to write my term paper. Good thing I have a team to back me up and push me along. I like school, but some subjects pique my interest more than others…

That is about it for now. Busy! Busy! Busy!

Stay interested and interesting!!

John

High paying startup job?

Sometimes, I would like to leave the confines of the bureaucracy of a large company and join a small startup.  The opportunity of building something from the ground up is very alluring.  So is the simplicity of thinking about ideas and putting them in to practice quickly without a tonne of red tape to wade through.  The amount of work required to get anything approved and done is very onerous in a big company.  Any small change to one person affects hundreds, and possibly thousands more, making it quite the job to make tweaks, let alone big changes.

The other frustration I am having in a big company right now is to find the right person who has the data I need.   In a small company, if I don’t have the information and don’t know who has it, it is very easy to find out and I can almost assume that it just doesn’t exist.  In a big company, I assume just the opposite.  It probably exists, but I have the find the right person amongst thousands of employees spread across many geographical areas.  I seem to remember some forum where I could ask, but can’t find the link!  ARGH!!  Frustrating!

I wonder if I could find a job that pays about the same, but with a much smaller enterprise…  Hmmmm…  Then again, I would not have all the learning opportunities I do now, which is simply amazing.  Also, I work from home most of the time, which is worth a lot more than just the cost of parking, coffee and lunch…

Stay interested and interesting!

John

Honesty

Honestly, I like to think of myself as honest.  I like to believe that I tell it like it is in a diplomatic way.  Being honest doesn’t mean you’ re an ass, it means you are truthful and open.  That being said, I know I have my flaws with honesty.

There are certain situations when politics comes in to play and we need to back up the team, tow the line or simply play the game.  Where it counts are with the people we respect and love.  These are our true friends and family.  They deserve every ounce of honesty we can give them.  We have to keep their feelings in mind, but, in the grand scheme, lying is worse than sparing someone’s feelings.  I would rather someone tell me the truth and it hurt than to be lied to.  How will I ever make myself better if I don’t know or refuse to accept it.  Sometimes, it will not be easy.  Sometimes, we need a swift kick in the ass to understand and get going.  I apprecite the kick, though most times it hurts.

Also, we need to figure out who are friends are and defend them honestly.  We have to back them up wholeheartedly.  I am guilty of not always doing this, but I want to change.  I am trying to change.  But, again, it is hard and painful.  I needed a swift kick in the ass, and, last week, I got it.  I am appreciative because now I realize that I was not avoiding pain and making things easier.  I was making it all worse.  I was letting it stew.  No more.  I am going to try harder.  So should you.

Stay interested and interesting.

John

PS: If you can get your hands on full seasons of Entourage (HBO), watch them!  There are some great messages in there and it is a great show.

Confused

ARHG!  I am getting mixed signals from my ex.  What do I do?  Throughout our breakup, we have been very amicable.  There have been no big fights, we have put our daughter first and I even thought we were going to get back together.  For the last three years, we have traveled south.  I asked her a while ago if she wanted to go again.  I saw this as a possible opportunity to get away from the everyday stress of life and have some time together to either reconnect or sort things out.  Then, a few weeks ago, she tells me that she does not want to travel with me this year.  She says it would be “weird”.  While I understand that it could make it more painful if it doesn’t work out and we could possibly end up with a crappy vacation, I guess I don’t think that it is that risky and that, at worst, we can have a good time as friends.  After all, neither of us really has any other friends to travel with.  We had been together for fourteen years after all…  So, am I right to interpret her not wanting to travel with me as a sign that she does not want to be with me?  I am confused.

At the same time she told me that she did not want to travel with me, she asked if we should see other people.  Clearly, she does not want to make this decision and wants me to.  I said that I don’t know, but I was not ready to date other people yet, which I am not.  Since then, she has invited me to dinner at her place on a Saturday because I helped her shovel out a dryer vent that was full of snow (bad news for the dryer and damp clothes, yuck!).  I saw this as either her being nice and trying to repay my kindness, or an attempt to reach out.  Then, this week, I applied for a contest at a radio station to go on a Valentine’s evening date with one of the people on the morning show, which includes some shopping spree type prize (not sure what it is), and I was picked as a finalist.  Of course, they said my name on the radio and her sister heard it.  Her sister called her and she immediately called me asking about it.  I told her the truth, that the station had just called me about half an hour before and let me know.  I had not been listening to the radio this morning because I was at an app0intment.  So now, she seems very hostile about it, but when I ask her what is wrong, she says nothing.  Obviously, she is jealous and hurt.  I can understand that, but at the same time I am upset because I am the one that keeps asking what she wants and she is the one saying she doesn’t know all the time.  All I ever wanted her to say is that she wanted to be with me.  She has not been able to say that despite multiple opportunities.

I know I have my faults and am not always the easiest person to be with, but I am getting mixed signals and don’t know what to do.  Do I give her another chance, tell her that I want to be with her and if she does not respond in kind, then just make sure she knows it is over?  Should I cut the cord completely and suggest we see other people?  We have been separated for almost a year now.  I feel it is time to reconcile completely or move on.  I honestly don’t want to hurt her, but also want to be happy and having someone to share your happiness with is important.

Thoughts?  It is certainly a conundrum that emotions doesn’t help with.

Stay interested and interesting!

John

Blogging

I would love to do this more and always have a lot of ideas.  My issue is actually being disciplined enough to sit down and write.  I have been reading a lot lately and I guess I just have not put a priority here.  I have also been travelling for work more lately, so something has to give.  Also, I don’t do this from my work computer or when I am on the road.  Maybe I should, just for cathardic reasons… 

How about books?!  The last book I read, Bloodsucking Fiends by Christopher Moore, was a great discovery.  It is a funny love story about vampires.  Hmmm…  Have a look at the Amazon review here.

Stay interested and interesting!

John